Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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