he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
