You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
