You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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