I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and she was petting her beer can
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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