im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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