Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
