Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Girls should come with a carfax report
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
