Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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