I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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