he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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