took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
