The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't deserve a penis
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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