You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
