ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
