i jhust puked up my retainher.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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