Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
