at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
