At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
