I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
