dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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