you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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