in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
