My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
