You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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