i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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