He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
