Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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