I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
