Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
