it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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