I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
