I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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