Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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