he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
