made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
