my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
