East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
