You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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