I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
