I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
