Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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