I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
