I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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