apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
