based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
