she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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