I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
