I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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