just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
