Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
