I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
