i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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