yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
