There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
