I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
