Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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