Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
