This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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