ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
