Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Terrible idea I love it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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