I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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