I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
