your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
